ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
