he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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