Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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