Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
