Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
