So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
