Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
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Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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