yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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