Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
