I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she told me i tasted like america
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
