I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
