Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
