i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize