im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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