i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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