the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
