I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
