is your mom at the bar?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
