so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
