I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
