I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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