Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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