Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
