I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
