the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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