a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Randomize
