Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
