garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
