K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
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We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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