so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
