EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
