I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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