why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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