She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
