There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
