i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
