Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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