I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
