The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
