Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
not ubering you a puppy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
