hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
