Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
