Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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