I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
