Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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