Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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