He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Are we still banned from the library?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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