I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
