I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
