I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
cat food counts as protein by the way
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
