Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Life is so much better after having sex.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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