somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
