my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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