he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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