Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Are my feet made of real feet?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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