I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
