how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So. Much. Porn.
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