well most of my day revolves around power hour
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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