Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
