I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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