check it out our google latitudes are spooning
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
