my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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