Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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