just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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