I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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