I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
