God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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