i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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