Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The uberlube is also flammable
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
