He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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