so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
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my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
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Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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