No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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