After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
