Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
