she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
