Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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