She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
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He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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