I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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