Duck Duck Cougar?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I party with great urgency now.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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