I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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