What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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