We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
