I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
