i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
