Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
