his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
