And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
