I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
birth control should be required to get into college
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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