I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize