Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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