I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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