He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
